Paul fought the encroachment of externalism into the Colossian church, (Colossians 2:8-23). The first problem he corrected is one we still face 2,000 years later. Church leaders and laity alike cannot resist the urge to set, for themselves and others, rules of holiness that are not from God, (cf. vs. 8, 16, 18, 20-22). As if we think God did not do a thorough job of warning us about everything sinful, we are compelled to devise regulations for every conceivable action and situation, impose those regulations upon everyone around us, then measure holiness or faithfulness on the basis of those human regulations. Paul sternly warns the Colossians to refuse to allow other people to lead them into spiritual bondage through philosophy deception (and) the tradition of men rather than according to Christ, (vs. 8). Hear this well:
Nothing that pertains to holiness, derives from the human mind.
Any rule that men make in the spiritual realm is a spiritually worthless rule. Some rules are needed for orderly function of church services. But those rules have no spiritual value. The Colossians were commanded to reject human rules regarding food or drink or with respect to festival or new moon or Sabbath day, (vs. 16). Both then and now, church leaders make rules for us that condemn religious days like Christmas and Easter and warn us not to observe such pagan days. But Paul's inspired word tells us to reject such human rules.
Other church leaders condemn drinking wine or eating certain unclean foods like pork. Paul tells us to ignore such worthless regulations. We could fill a page with a list of things we have been told we must not touch, nor taste nor handle. Things like women wearing jewelry, cutting their hair, wearing pants, bathing suits or shorts, or women doing just about anything. We have rules against owning TV's, going to movies, listening to secular music, dancing, playing cards, playing bingo or buying lottery tickets. We are warned against the "sins" of smoking and drinking. All such rules should be discarded as worthless. Not a single one of them has the least thing to do with holiness or devotion to God. To honor them is to dishonor God. It is to surrender our blood-bought freedom to make up our own minds about all such things, and returns us to the bondage of legalism.
All human interpretations of and rules for true holiness or real commitment or faithfulness are worthless for anything, especially in overcoming the flesh, (vs. 23). Most man-made rules and restrictions have a strong appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body. That is their whole appeal. Our folly is transparently displayed in the way we view people on the basis of merely outward "appearance." We attribute great holiness to someone who rises extremely early and spends much time praying and reading the Word. We exalt those who come to every church meeting, who fast often and who tithe largely. If others desire to know how to be truly holy we set for them a path of severity to the body consisting of little sleep, much fasting, much praying, much meditating on Scripture, etc. Such activities are valuable if done because we love God. But even sacrificial commitment to such activities is worthless if love is not the motive, (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). And Paul pointedly says all such is of no value against fleshly indulgence, (Colossians 2:24).
This being true, let us stop trying to overcome fleshly tendencies by means of increased fasting, praying, etc., or by following the spiritual regimens devised by men. Paul says it won't help at all. What will help is asking God to fill our hearts with more of His love.
Spiritual fulfillment is not found in following rigid rules, severe restrictions, self-abasement, etc. One cannot draw closer to God and find deeper spiritual contentment or spiritual satisfaction via intense attention to learning and rigidly practicing spiritual rules. We are complete only in Christ, (vs.8, 10, 17). All the true substance there is in the spiritual realm is in Christ. All else may look good but it is of comparatively little worth. The only way to experience true spiritual substance is to come into personal contact and walk in ongoing personal relationship with Christ. We must depend on Christ alone and not in our own spiritual works. All rules and regulations that get between us and Christ ? rules and regulations that focus on self and how well we do, how sacrificial we are, how many hours we spend doing religious things ? are antithetical to the gospel. None of those things can satisfy us.
Legalism leads naturally into more and more bondage, with less and less satisfaction. A soul driven by performance-based religion will never find what it seeks. Legalism and asceticism adds ever more regulations that increasingly restrict what is pleasurable, yet produces no deeper spirituality, or more closeness with God. This declension of liberty and capacity to enjoy life produces negativity and misery that is worn on the faces and heard in the voices of those suffering under such spiritual cruelty. The harshness of this scheme is amplified by the fact that we can never do enough human works to feel we have really done "enough" and so our soul is never satisfied.
If your Christianity makes you negative or miserable, it is not the real thing; there is little true substance in it. Here is a self-test for you to take: In your quest for more of God, do you think and talk much about what you are doing? If you focus much on what you are doing, you have gotten away from what Christ has done. Depending on what Christ has done is depending on grace. Depending on what you do is depending on works, and that destroys grace. The only answer for you is the one Paul gave to the Colossians; you must seek satisfaction only in Christ. You must abandon trust in all your personal efforts, rule keeping, flesh punishing, religious activity. None of it can fill your soul. None of it can overcome your flesh. You must come to Jesus. Seek Him personally. Talk to Him. Listen to His voice. Love Him. Worship and praise Him. If need be, until you can achieve a complete spiritual and mental re-orientation, stop going to all church meetings. You will always need your brothers and sisters. They will always need you. But you can fellowship with them apart from "church services." If you are part of an especially legalistic body, you need to leave it and find a church where you can worship the Lord without being fed negativity and law-based judgment.
Whatever it takes to completely stop pursuing a relationship with God based on what you do or do not do, DO THAT!!! If your first thought is, "But I cannot stop going to church", you betray the exact mindset that cries out for change. A Christian will never completely stop associating with fellow saints, because we are all members of one another. We need what others have to give, and we have value to give to them. If our hearts are full of love for God, we will long to be with others who love Him. If we love our neighbors, we will delight to be with them when they meet for mutual encouragement and worship of the Lord. But if our heart is full of ascetic works/righteousness and we are filled with depression and fear because of our failures, then we need to just stop it all until we can get our head on straight. If we are right about God's rejection of worship and service that is not done in love, then going to church meetings and all other religious activities are worthless anyway, if our heart is messed up.
Save yourself added grief. Make necessary adjustments; learn to function naturally out of love-created-desire. If pastors or other Christians confront you about your unfaithfulness, ignore them, go to Jesus and ask for encouragement and His confirmation that you are doing the right thing and He will respond to you. Reject all rules made up for you by other people, including church leaders.
Spiritual self-discipline that one undertakes voluntarily is good. But attaching holiness or faithfulness to it is pretense. It is nothing more than a fair show in the flesh. Nothing more than a sham. Claims that it draws Christ closer are FALSE. Christ is drawn by a heart that loves Him, not by religious actions of any variety, character or volume.
Remember, measuring others by one's own concept of self-discipline and spirituality is sinful self-righteousness. Belittling the spirituality of others on the basis that they are not committed to the same religious regimen as oneself, demonstrates smallness of spirit and a complete failure to understand the nature of grace, love and mercy.
The issue is simple: We are to refuse to measure our own spirituality on the basis of how good our outward deeds are or how many of them we perform. Likewise we must refuse to judge the spirituality of others on that basis. And we must not allow others to judge our own spirituality in that basis.